Journal,  Lifestyle

Confidence

October 23, 2018

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What makes somebody confident? is it their ability to be able to not be afraid of speaking to a room full of people? Is it a deeper understanding of oneself?

We can never truly know.

Confidence is one of the biggest attributions we as individuals try to grasp. According to the dictionary, confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. How do we achieve this though? As much as we must individually love ourselves, we must also love one another, confidence usually comes from being comfortable in ones surroundings, the hardest thing we face daily is the constant ridicule or judgement of others, and more importantly ourselves. If we as a collective start to encourage and love even those we may be “jealous” of (lets face it we all get jealous of someone or someone’s achievements from time to time), our surroundings will be one of love rather than jealousy or hate. Unfortunately, this ideal world does not exist and although it’s still important to emit kindness and teach others to do the same, we must learn to live in this world, where people feed off hate, anger and jealousy.

I think more often than not, being confident and being obnoxious has been seen to have a blurred line. We must be careful we are not becoming arrogant but instead confident. I personally find it hard, understanding the judgements people may place on me, when i feel as though i am acting “too” confident then I retreat into my own shell and detriment myself by missing out on opportunities or developing new “friendships”. Most of the time, I judge myself more harshly than anyone else in this world. Confidence I believe is a mixture of being yourself, pushing the boundaries of what you believe to be “too forward” and suppressing your own judgements. People believe I am confident merely because i portray a certain persona online, even though I am extremely confident around my friends and my loved ones, when I am around people I do not know too well, I naturally stay silent and can often be anxious, although as soon as someone comes up to me I’ll become my bubbly self again.

Recently I have tried to push myself out of my shell just a little bit and I have noticed a massive difference, I found some amazing friends, I have developed many opportunities, but then I get comfortable again within my own friends and family, and retreat back into my shell. I think developing confidence is an ongoing battle, of being comfortable within yourself and learning to speak up even if you think you’re going to embarrass yourself.

Finding people who you are comfortable around and finding friendship groups with no judgements and constant support helps anyone’s confidence levels rise. You’re able to go into any situation, even if you are anxious and breathe, understand even if you make a “fool” of yourself your real friends and family will never judge you.

I think confidence is all about balance, learning to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to “love you” and place more importance on those people who support and encourage you than those who are negative and putting you down. It’s not easy, I know, to say “find a good group of friends” but I promise you, if you settle for so called “friends” who judge, ridicule and suppress your confidence, you’ll never have the strength to find new real friends who will help bring out your true confidence.

The measure of a person is not just how you get up when you fall, but also how you help others up when they fall.

I don’t believe as humans we are meant to be completely “individual” we are “pack animals” we are better together. Encourage, support and be there for your friends and your community and in turn you will hope they do the same, if they don’t then find yourself a better “support system” and confidence will find you.

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I hope this helped even one person,

don’t be afraid to message me on Instagram: @jemmasiles if you want to talk more about this or anonymously write in the comments, i am more than happy to do a second blog on this topic, just let me know.

Love Jem xoxo

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